


will you still love me?

by ynmnsoulmates



Series: stray kids drabbles <3 [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Eventual Romance, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-25 20:41:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16667941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ynmnsoulmates/pseuds/ynmnsoulmates
Summary: Jisung was there to pick him up when he had fallen, but will Minho understand when Jisung appreciates him more than he should?Moving on isn't exactly easy to do, you see.





	will you still love me?

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this was really difficult, because I had experienced something similar and I had to really put the characters in my shoes when it happened. Most of the advices given through this book are actually advices that I use frequently to help others.
> 
> I wrote this with the help of a friend, someone who means a lot to me. She was mainly the reason why I could finish this in a span of two weeks most!
> 
> I suggest listening to Vancouver Sleep Clinic (Lung, Revival, Flaws, Closure, Therapy Phase 02) while reading this story! It helps to create a mood! Please don't hesitate to comment down your feelings about the plot, and if you need someone for advices, I'm here!
> 
> One last thing; it's okay to not be okay. Depression is not embarrassing at all.
> 
> Thank you, and enjoy?

"I am not depressed."

Minho remembers losing his rationality; screaming at his friends for simple things, breaking things out of anger, inflicting pain on himself when he felt like it, drinking everyday until his friends saved him from drowning in his feelings.

He remembers her leaving him vividly, the scene crystal clear in his head, captured as if it held a meaningful purpose to him. He remembers her cursing at him, pushing him away for being so clingy. He just wanted to be loved back, is that so wrong?

He remembers himself feeling betrayed when he found her in his bed with another man, someone whom he knew from her workplace. He remembered fearing her leaving at first, after seeing that.

So he kept quiet.

"Minho-ah, you can't lie to me. You need to move on; you can't harm yourself forever."

Minho remembered feeling anger and frustration when she continued hiding her affair from him, releasing it onto himself by breaking his heart into unrecognisable pieces that could never be fixed again. He remembers how he had changed into a different person, from the pain the relationship was giving him.

His friends couldn't recognise him properly, in terms of his personality and mindset. He started scaring them, with the unhealthy amount of times he visited the pubs after he broke up with his girlfriend.

Even the younger ones were too scared to approach him, preferring to only speak up around him when Chan says anything that required their opinions. Eventually, Minho felt disappointment in himself for inflicting fear in his own friends and parents. From then onwards, he decided to not appear to any of the meetings among their friends.

"Hyung, I've just been sad for a while. I know that I'm hurting people, but I can still find the light. I can still smile. I just need time."

"What kind of time are you talking about? Alone time? Comfort time? The kids are getting worried, even Sungie has been begging me to check up on you because they think that they aren't welcomed here except for myself. It's been two god damn months since you have seen them, two whole months and they need an answer; Where is their Lee Minho?"

"H-he's recovering, well and breathing. He just needs more time to adjust being without his girlfriend."

"You know, you'll never move on if you keep thinking like you can't live without her. I'm sorry that I'm talking like this, but you need to hear me out. You're gonna keep drowning, and your friends are going to watch you suffer and they won't be able to do anything because you're not letting them in through these walls. We desperately want to help, even I can't stand you hurting like this. Minho-ah, I have been your best friend since you were born. And I want you to be okay. I want you to smile and laugh freely around us again, I want you to live life again to the fullest by any means necessary. I need you to be okay for me, for us, for your parents. We need you by our side."

Minho begins shaking, his hands and his eyes, as he tries to deny whatever Chan's saying to him. The man looks at him with a sad smile and holds his hands in his, squeezing them reassuringly.

"We love you so much, have you forgotten? All of us have been there in your journey to growth and maturity, we have supported you for your decisions. We fought, we laughed, we cried together. We watched you grow into a beautiful man who has pure respect for everyone, no matter what gender and age. No matter what skin colour and race, we watched you bloom into an exceptional man in this world. You have no care in this hellhole, always so blunt and straightforward to tell us what's wrong with us and the society. Always so practical and theoretical when necessary, standing for what's right."

Chan feels tears escape from his eyes, ignoring them completely as he tries to prove his point to his best friend, who has already started sobbing loudly and messily, for the first time in front of him.

"Need I write an essay or hold a presentation to show you how much you deserve to be happy, I would Minho-ah. I so would because I love you for who you are, and you need to know that you deserve someone so much better than her. No matter who they are, we would be accepting for the sake of your happiness. But only if you're treated correctly, until you're smiling and laughing and not frowning and crying. I understand why you pushed us away, but please let us in now. We are desperate and begging for your hand in this situation, because your opinion means more to us. And her? She was selfish, she made you feel disgusting. She didn't see how beautiful you are. She doesn't deserve you and she was wrong for pushing you away and treating you like shit. Let us treat you the correct way, so please-" Chan takes a deep breath as he goes to wipe his tears on his cheeks, leaving tear streaks as he sniffles.

"-you tell me now; do you want to move on with o-our help... Or not?"

Minho releases a shaky breath, taking a moment to nod furiously with endless tears streaming down his cheeks. A sob escapes from his mouth as Chan takes him into a tearful hug, basking in the warmth that he hasn't felt for a long time. He gasps out the first thing that comes to his mind after he hears out his best friend,

"Please save me, hyung. P-please."

Jisung anxiously paces around Felix's room back and fourth, nibbling on his bottom lip as he waits for Chan to call him about Minho's well-being. He would have followed Chan along, but he was pretty sure he would have just cried to Minho instead of comforting him.

He wasn't exactly good with words like Chan; his actions were more expressive than his words could ever do.

Felix looks up from his homework with a pout forming on his lips, clearly distracted as well, before he puts away the worksheets and pens gingerly on his bedside table. He sits up and leans against the headboard, hugging his knees to his chest as he watches his best friend with a sigh.

"Sungie, I'm sure he's going to be fine."

"I-I know, I'm just.. I miss him so much and I couldn't even do anything to help him, you know Lix?" Jisung whispers softly, loud enough for the other to hear.

".... You feel useless, don't you?"

Jisung stops pacing instantly and turns to look at Felix with a drained expression, who looks back at him with his head cutely tilted at an angle and a reassuring smile on his face before patting the space beside him, "Come, sit with me."

It took a moment for Jisung to calm down, for his heartbeat to return to normal, for his train of thoughts to travel slowly. Felix doesn't talk through it, just lets his presence help his best friend like how it always does. Jisung breaks the comfortable silence with a click of his tongue against the roof of his mouth,

"It sucks Lix, not being able to comfort him. I couldn't be there for him when he needed someone by his side, even if his words say otherwise."

"Yeah, but you two communicate best through actions. Am I wrong?" Felix speaks gently, his deep voice not sounding threatening a bit but soothing instead. Like a harp being beautifully played.

Jisung smiles a bit at that and nods once, earning a hum from the other male, "Then you shouldn't feel hesitant about comforting him. You and Chan know him best, inside and out, and we aren't holding it against you at all. Hug him once you see him again, okay? I'm sure Minho hyung needs your warmth again. Cuddling helps a lot too, Sungie."

"Yeah, I hope it does in hyung's case."

They hear small knocks coming from the bedroom's door, making their heads turn to the direction of the sound to only see Changbin peeking through the small space the door had created from not being closed, but ajar.

Changbin smiles slightly at the duo, "Food is here. I advise you two to come out before hyung finishes all the fried chicken."

The two best friends exchanges knowing looks before jumping off the bed to run out of the room - Changbin steps aside as usual for them to race to the living room where the others were.

"I reached first-"

"-no, I did!"

They start arguing back and forth, making the eldest sigh as he comes out of the kitchen with plates in one hand and cups in the other. "If you two don't stop, replacement of Hyunjin and Jeongin's role to do the dishes today as cost."

They immediately shut up, with the others snickering in the background.

Chan huffs softly as he throws the garbage bag into the disposal area, going back into the apartment to wash his hands cleanly. He checks on Minho again, who was soundly sleeping in his room, before stepping into the balcony to call Jisung.

It took three rings for him to answer.

"H-hyung! How's Minho hyung?"

" _He's fine now, he agreed to meet you guys tomorrow. He wants to move on._ "

He hears Jisung sighing and he can imagine the boy smiling out of relief, instantly smiling softly at that quick thought which went through his head.

"That's great. Are you staying over, hyung? Or.."

" _Yeah, I'll stay with him. I just finished cleaning up his entire apartment, seems like it needed some touch._ "

"Okay! Urm, hyung?" Chan hums in response, waiting for him to continue.

"Could you... You know, ask him to call me tomorrow if he's feeling better? I want to hear his voice again, i-if he doesn't mind, of course!" Jisung asks with a panicked tone, making the older male chuckle.

" _Of course. I'll ask him, now stop worrying okay? I can hear your thoughts screaming from here._ "

"Hyung!"

Jisung smiles widely as he slips his phone back into his pocket after they exchanged goodbyes, turning around to face his friends who were looking at him with an expectant look. He was slightly shaking from happiness, and he definitely jumped out of thrill after he spoke shortly, "He's feeling better now!"

Seungmin and Hyunjin started screaming aggressively at each other, Felix and Changbin exchanged small smiles, Jeongin starts crying into Woojin's chest as the latter sighs softly and smiles, hugging the youngest quietly. They have been waiting for news during the two months, and they definitely feel thrilled to know that their dearest friend was finally feeling better after talking to the dad of their clique.

Jisung stops jumping and holds a palm out in the air towards them, which silences the whole group. They gave him confused looks, only to be happily surprised again when he tells them, "And he wants to meet us tomorrow!"

At this point, all of them were already ugly crying, except for Changbin, Felix and Jisung.

After they have finally calmed down, they started to plan for the day after, to let Minho into the group again with no pressure or harshness since they didn't want him to be in more pain. Losing the man because of heartbreak for months was enough for them, and they didn't wanted to go through another painful experience like that again. Not that he had inflicted pain on them, but they couldn't handle seeing their friend dying inside quietly again.

They didn't sleep until dawn comes, because of excitement, leaving all of them knocked out in the living room, bodies sprawled over each other at noon. Chan steps inside his apartment and groans internally at the sight, massaging his temples as he steps back out to stand before Minho again.

Minho gives him a questioning look as to why he's not inviting him in, "They're all still sleeping, that's why Jisung wasn't answering. How about we give them some time to wash up by waiting _patiently_ at the ice cream shop that we used to visit?"

"Y-yeah, that's fine by me hyung.." The younger male gives a small smile, before the older sighs and goes back inside his apartment to wake his boyfriend up, since he's the most responsible one.

Minho waits awkwardly outside the door, looking around the hallway quietly as he fidgets on his feet. He bites anxiously on his bottom lip, only releasing his lip free of torture when Chan steps out and closes the door behind him with a reassuring smile.

"Let's go?"

They walk quietly on the way to the ice cream shop, which was only 10 minutes away from Chan's apartment. Minho walks with his gaze down at the ground, as Chan glances at him frequently.

They enter the shop quietly, with Chan flashing a small smile to the workers before leading the other male to the tables where they always sat at. Minho sits down at the corner, hands interlocked as he starts biting on his bottom lip again.

Chan sits opposite him with a knowing look, "Scared?"

"Very, I'm damn scared right now hyung."

"Don't be, I heard from Jinnie that they're all pretty excited to see you again." And that definitely made Minho slightly calm down, as he looks at the older in disbelief.

"Why would they?"

"I told you, didn't I? They all miss you, and they're not mad at you at all. Just plain worried and anxious."

Minho sighs and looks away from Chan's gaze, "Was the time I took worth it, then?"

"Definitely. Just see how they'll react to you here, they really miss you, especially your cute Jisungie. Their reaction will make you feel better, I promise."

Chan was right, Minho thought, as the whole entire group started screaming at the sight of him. He had only hoped that the workers weren't bothered by them, since there was no one else in the shop with them. Jeongin bursts into tears and immediately went to hug him, apologising for not comforting him before. Minho received it well, hugging him back with a soft smile and kissed his forehead out of affection.

Seungmin goes next, sniffling and whimpering loudly like a puppy as he falls into Minho's arms. Minho chuckles at him, cooing at him as the lad cries through it. Felix, who seemed the second most stable, smiles at him with teary eyes and hugs him with words of happiness slipping from his mouth, making the older lad feel his heart swell out of pure satisfaction and happiness.

Hyunjin starts crying when he touches Minho's hair, making Minho feel confused when he blabbers about not being able to touch his hair for a while. But he still hugs him anyways. Changbin goes next, hugging him quietly with soft sniffles here and there. Minho smiles quietly throughout, glad that the man wasn't acting so tough in front of them anymore.

Woojin, dear eldest, started lecturing him with pouty lips and teary eyes, trying to act strong even though he was on the point of breaking. When Minho hugs and thanks him, he immediately sobs into his shoulder.

And Jisung, oh Han Jisung. His cute squirrel, his best friend, his soulmate, his cuddle partner, his motivator, his inspiration to live. The latter doesn't even look at him, just immediately leaves before it even got to his turn to greet Minho.

Chan sighs as he looks away from the window panel to look at Minho with a sad smile, "You should go and talk to him outside first. He was really broken without you, even went as far to begging me to see you before you went insane."

Minho excuses himself from the table quietly, feeling his heart clench when he goes outside to see Jisung crying on his own, leaning against a brick wall as his hands cover his face. The younger boys inside try to peek at them, only to get warned by Chan who looked at them with a scary smile.

They scurry away into their seats again, vocally deciding that it was best for the duo to have some time to themselves. Chan nods in agreement, while Woojin giggles to himself. Changbin sits there quietly, reading through the menu to entertain himself.

Minho approaches his best friend quietly, feeling his eyes tear up when Jisung cries harder, "Jisung-ah?"

Jisung looks up from his hands and whimpers at the sight of the older male, feeling his knees trembling as he turns to the side to face him, "H-hyung."

"Sungie, w-why are you crying so hard? I'm here now, aren't I?" Minho tries to smile at the man, but he gets caught off guard when the younger lad pulls him into a tight hug.

" _B-baby_..."

Minho breaks at the nickname.

They sob in each others' arms, with Jisung leaning against the brick wall and Minho hiding his face in the crook of the younger male's neck. They shed so much tears, as if they haven't seen each other for so long.

They took a while to calm down and instead of going back inside, they spent some time staring at each other. Jisung quietly wipes Minho's tears streaks away with his thumbs, holding his face in his hands gently as if it was made of glass.

The younger starts talking, "I missed you so much, hyung. My heart broke a little everyday when I woke up knowing that you weren't okay and I couldn't do anything."

"I'm sorry too, for almost hurting you back then. For cursing at you, because I was frustrated with myself.." Jisung shakes his head at that, smiling widely at the older.

"I understand why you did that, so don't apologise. I'm just glad you're feeling better now and I get to hold you again," Minho nods along with his words, smiling softly when Jisung adjusts his hair gently, doe eyes finally shining again.

"Come on hyung, let's get back inside to the others!"

Later, when Minho invites Jisung to his house, the younger lad doesn't hesitate to come along.

Minho's apartment was like a second home to Jisung, a place that always welcomed him whenever, but it stopped being one after Minho got together with his girlfriend. He had to pretend as if Minho didn't mean to him more than the others did.

Jisung couldn't visit Minho whenever he wanted him to come, he couldn't cuddle with him no more, he had to stop calling him all the nicknames because it would threaten his girlfriend. Jisung didn't understand why she was so threatened by him when he only sees Minho as a best friend, nothing more, nothing less. The others didn't see any fault in his treatment towards Minho, so why did she?

Jisung happily enters the apartment, looking around with a soft hum as he observes the changes made to the interior design. "You changed everything back to normal?"

"Yeah, preferred your style more than her's. Besides, she's gone now. What for if I keep memories of her in my house, where I should feel safe and not threatened?" Minho speaks calmly like the wind, offering his best friend a smile before he goes into the kitchen.

Jisung sighs softly, "I'll wash up first, okay baby?"

The older lad hums back in response from the kitchen.

Jisung comfortably leans against the headboard, arms folded against his chest as he waits for Minho to finish washing up by getting some rest first. His eyes slightly hurt from crying too much in the afternoon, but he feels lighter on his feet, as if a weight was removed from his shoulders.

He closed his eyes for a short moment, breathing in and out calmly to erase any bad thoughts from his head for now. He was just about to doze off, when he hears the bathroom door opening. "Sungie?"

The said male snaps his eyes opened and smiles softly when he sees Minho, who was finally able to dress the way he wants, comfortable and less clothing. His eyes rake down the wet hair, oversized shirt and exposed thighs, releasing a heavy breath when he meets eyes with the older male.

Minho smiles back with his head tilted, drying his hair with a towel as he walks towards the bed, not noticing how Jisung's eyes averts away to not see more exposure of the toned thighs displayed before his eyes. "Did I take long?"

"No, of course not hyung. Come here," Jisung winks reassuringly with his arms widely spread apart, chuckling to himself when Minho immediately goes into his arms with a satisfied hum.

They adjust themselves, for the older to sit in between Jisung's thighs as they lock him in. The younger lad willingly dries Minho's hair with the towel, quietly doing so as Minho keeps quiet.

They did that for a while, indulging in silence.

After he finishes doing Minho's hair, Jisung quietly gets up and dunps the towel in the laundry basket which was sitting at the corner of the room. He turns back around and sighs softly when he sees Minho still in the same position with his eyes fixed on his lap.

He slips back into the bed and sits beside the male, leaning against the headboard and nudges the older male softly to grab his attention. "Do you wanna talk about it to me, baby? I think it'll make you feel slightly better."

"....If you don't mind?"

Jisung shook his head in response, flashing a small smile before he whispers a gentle _tell me baby_ , letting Minho lean against him with a sigh. The older lad intertwined their hands together, caressing the younger's hand for a while before he opens up.

"When I was younger, I never could understand why anyone could kill themselves on purpose. But now? I've been questioning myself, for what and whom am I fighting for? To live?" Minho says softly, still thumbing Jisung's hand as he continues.

"Honestly, I have come to realised that I hold in a lot. When I'm upset, I really don't like to tell anyone. Especially the person who made me that way. If anything, I would tell you. I trust you so much, Jisung-ah. I know that sometimes it's too much of a burden but-"

"-you were never, and will never be a burden to me, hyung. I'm grateful that you're open to me and Chan hyung, if not we wouldn't know how to help you. Hyung, you are the sole reason why I'm always happy. I hope you understand that now," Jisung smiles again, before it suddenly drops.

"Oh! Sorry for the interruption, please continue hyung!"

Minho softly chuckles and nods, "Thanks, Sungie."

"I just... She cheated on me, you know? And I couldn't even do anything, I just stared at the wall in the guest room and cried to myself, like the loser I am, while my girlfriend was making love with someone else on my own bed. I was scared that she would leave me if I said anything about it, so I didn't. I didn't speak anything about the incident and slowly, it broke me. That's why I screamed at Chan hyung that time, remember?"

"I was acting so unreasonable towards everyone because I couldn't tell anyone my problems. I wanted to tell you Sungie, I really did, but at the same time I was so scared of your reaction. I feared everything, so I kept to myself again. It build up on my frustration, so I drank. I drank until I lost myself, until I couldn't see properly and mutter a proper word. Intoxication. I guess by that time I was already drowning in my feelings."

"......What was the scariest part?"

"..The scariest part was not the feeling of loneliness or darkness that filled me, despite the looming pain of emptiness. The scariest part was the realisation that I have lost myself completely sinking in, because I lost the ability to sleep and I couldn't even cry because I couldn't be bothered to care. That was before I decided to break up with her. Afterwards - _sigh_ \- I realised how badly I messed up with the kids and myself. It made me think that I wasn't enough, and there was this voice in the back of my head, constantly reminding me that I was to be blamed for this mess."

Minho bites on his bottom lip, "I stopped living then. I stopped eating. I stopped dancing. I stopped sleeping. I couldn't even move from my bed, I didn't bother to check my phone. It was as if I was drowning in a deep sea, and I couldn't swim to the surface to take a gasp of air because the agony was too much for me to handle. I lost all will to live my life like how it used to be because I was so tired, Sungie."

"I don't know if I was depressed during that period of time, but I was so exhausted till it all became numb. I forgot how to feel. And only when Chan hyung came then I knew how bad it was, because I too realised that I couldn't recognise myself anymore."

Jisung nods as he digs his nose into Minho's fluffy hair, kissing his temple as an indication to keep talking. Minho lets himself be held by his best friend, on the verge of crying when he opens his mouth.

"I loved her s-so much, Sungie. She meant everything to me, and I meant everything to her until she began giving up on... Us. Because I couldn't spare time for her. Because I wasn't perfect enough for her, she left m-me instead. I already planned our future together, I saw us getting married and having kids together, and with her leaving me really cost me so much pain. I hated myself, Sungie, I fucking d-despised myself for causing her to do that."

"And now? She has a new boyfriend that she can depend on and I am here crying to you like a l-loser!" Minho cries out as the floodgates burst open.

"No no, baby. You aren't a loser," Jisung coos sweetly as he pulls the older in between his thighs, hugging Minho from the back. He hooks his chin onto the male's shoulder, and rocks back and forth to soothe him.

Minho shakes his head desperately at the statement, crying harder when Jisung tries to convince him that he's definitely not a coward. "Jisung-ah..."

"Hyung, right now, you're the most bravest person I have ever known. You opened up to me about your problems even though you mentioned that you're scared of my reaction. You're taking risks to convey a message across and I'm so grateful for that; you broke out of your comfort zone, is that not something to be proud of?" Jisung asks sincerely, looking at the older with pure adoration in his eyes.

"It's such a s-small thing, like a foetus..." Minho whispers with soft sniffles, making the younger lad chuckle.

"But it's something, no baby?" Minho mumbles a timid _I guess so_ , making the other burst into laughter, "You - _wheezes_ \- why are you so cute, hyung?"

The older male freezes, body heating up when Jisung plants a kiss on his neck, "N-no?"

"Yes, yes you are. Don't deny it hyung, you're extremely beautiful and adorable!"

And when Minho finally giggles at him for the first time in a while, Jisung feels his heart skip a beat as the male turns his head to look at him with a wide smile that lightens up the darkness in the room.

Jisung ignores his heart and smiles back.

For the next few weeks, Jisung has been by Minho's side at all times, taking a break from work for the sake of Minho's sanity. The older lad didn't agree with his doings, but he can't help and submit when he feels the comfortable warmth around him when he wakes up in bed every morning.

The other boys try to visit whenever they can, popping in to spend some bonding time together. They could be eating dinner or watching movies together, but that already makes Minho feel satisfied.

Sometimes Minho breaks at random moments, when the house gets too quiet for his own liking, overthinking, daydreaming, reminiscing of the past. Jisung may or may not be home, but whenever he is, he's there to catch the older lad from falling into his bad habits again.

He's always there, sweet and gentle, reassuring and patient to help Minho get back on his own feet. Most of the times he doesn't say anything and just listens to what Minho has to say, and then he gets into action by comforting him in his own way.

He always says, "To be honest with you, I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a heart; a heart that's aching to see you smile again." And then proceeds to cuddle him with small kisses here and there.

That never fails to make Minho feel better.

Chan breathes deeply as he interlocks his hands together on his lap, nodding his head firmly, "I take that he's doing better?"

Jisung shrugs his shoulders as he takes a big gulp of the alcohol directly from the bottle, hissing when he feels the burn in his throat, leaning the bottle against the armchair as he fidgets on the loveseat, "I hope so? I have tried and sacrificed, seems like he's smiling and laughing more now. It's been three months, hyung."

"Are you tired?"

"No, I'm... I'm glad. Glad and grateful that he's okay, that he's moving on," Jisung tries to smile reassuringly before taking another gulp from the bottle, only to get stopped by Chan who takes the bottle away with a scowl on his face.

He places it aside on the table, out of reach from Jisung, who sighs softly, "What is it, hyung?"

"You drink when something's disturbing you, so tell me about it."

The younger male scoffs and leans into the seat, face unbothered as he looks around but Chan, "Hyung, some things are better to be unspoken of."

"Not when it's hurting you," Chan looks at the younger lad with worry written on his face, only to get a dismissed wave from the younger lad.

"I'm fine, hyung! I just need some time to think about something, that's all." Jisung tries to end the conversation as he stands up with wobbly legs.

He turns around to leave the living room and takes a few steps into the hallway until Chan stops him with a soft call of his name, "Yes, hyung?"

"I'm always here, Jisung-ah."

".....I know. But I saw this coming, so I'll fix it myself then. Lock the door on your way back outside, hyung. Thanks for checking up on us!" Jisung tries to exclaim happily with a sad smile hidden to himself before he starts walking back to the guest room again, shutting the door after him.

Chan sighs again for the fifth time that day.

Depression.

Jisung was really unfamiliar with that. All his life, he has always been that cheerful kid in the group that never fails to make others happy. No one has ever seen him with a frown, unless he's affected by someone else's mood.

So when the darkness hits him for the first time, he doesn't know that something changed in him. He only felt it when Minho finally leaves the house to hang out with a girl he just befriended online.

It comes in waves; he slowly gets tired of talking, he doesn't want to leave his bed, and eventually he stops living at Minho's house. He leaves unexplained, making the older lad confused.

And suddenly, sad songs are not sad enough.

Jisung screams out of frustration as he grabs his hair, wanting to rip it off his head. He hasn't been getting any ideas to finish his songs, constantly stuck at one point or another. He has tons of crumpled paper all over the floor, and many pencils were destroyed in favour of his anger.

He has some empty alcohol bottles pooling at the side of his table where his producing stuff were, and he hasn't looked like he has bathed in days. He was still wearing the same outfit from three days ago, and he hasn't slept for a while.

Head throbbing from the lack of sleep, he collapses against the wall and lets his arms fall to his sides. He looks up to the ceiling blankly and sighs loudly.

Jisung lets a few tears fall from his bloodshot eyes and smiles bitterly to himself when he finally understands the situation that he has gotten into, before whispering into the wrecked room, "I'm _fucked_."

Felix glares at his phone sitting on the coffee table, posture firm and tensed as he waits for his phone to ring. Changbin sits beside him confusedly, not quite understanding what his boyfriend was doing and stares at him quietly before speaking up after a short moment of observation.

"What are you doing?"

"Sungie. Sungie is going to call me soon, I can feel it."

Changbin raises an eyebrow at that, "He hasn't talked to you for weeks."

"That is why he's going to call me soon. I know he has gotten himself into trouble, Channie hyung can confirm that, but he refuses to tell anyone. Minho hyung is well and living, but Sungie isn't."

Felix looks at his boyfriend with a smuggish look and says in a singing tone, "I wonder what happened to my best friend while he was taking care of his beloved hyung.."

".....No, _it_ can't be."

"Yes, _it_ was bound to happen sooner. I saw it coming too!"

Changbin furrows his eyebrows and looks down at his lap with a sigh, "He fell in love with Minho hyung?"

Felix smiles sadly and nods slowly, looking back at his phone, "Indeed, he did. It's why he stopped staying at hyung's house, he couldn't bear looking at him anymore. Not out of disgust-"

"-but out of fear of falling in love deeper.." Changbin completes his sentence for him, and he jumps slightly when Felix's phone starts ringing.

Felix picks up his phone and sighs softly to himself when he reads the caller ID, "Told you so, Binnie."

"He'll come to me because that's how I fell in love with you."

Jisung sits on the seat quietly, anxiously running his nails over his thighs as Felix looks at him with a worried expression, "Sungie?"

"Y-yeah?"

"You need to talk to us darling, so that we can help you."

Chan nods reassuringly, arm on Jisung's shoulders and rubbing the lad's arm gently as a form of comfort, "We'll listen and help you."

Jisung takes in a breath shakily, looking up to meet Felix's eyes, who nods at him with a small smile. "Go on."

"I.. It's the worst timing ever," Jisung tries to laugh but it sounded more of a choked sob, making Chan slightly wince.

"Falling in love with your best friend when he's depressed is not okay.. It really isn't.."

"It is completely fine, believe me, it is.." Felix tries to reassure his best friend, but his best friend tearfully shakes his head, denying that statement.

"Instead of helping ourselves, I just made myself feel like shit. It's like I took _it_ from him, which is totally fine, as long as he's happy. But I.... I want to be happy too, with him. I just can't help but feel this way, I want to die everyday. I feel like I did something bad, something keeps making my heart swell painfully. Sometimes, I'm numb and I can't feel anything. But most of the time, I feel like I don't deserve to l-live." Jisung's voice cracks at the end and he tries to blink away the tears, making Chan sigh lightly and he holds him tighter.

"Sometimes, we need to sacrifice one thing to earn another, which can be something better. You know that well, Jisung-ah," Chan starts to speak, voice soothing like a lullaby.

"Sometimes, hyung needs to sacrifice some sleep so that he can squeeze in some time for work. Sometimes, Lix needs to sacrifice some time with Changbinnie to be alone with his family. Jisung, you sacrifice your time to make Minho happy. Do you get what I mean now? To make it stop hurting, you need to sacrifice something."

"And I know, that it sounds terrible. It sounds as if nothing is free, which is kind of a true fact. In this harsh world, no one gets anything for free and maybe life gets unfair at times, but it's part of life. We work, we fall and we move on. Repeat. It's a cycle. That's why the earth is round, ain't it? So, it's the same in this context. We live; we work, we sacrifice, we earn, repeat. Maybe we won't get any rest along the way, but it'll be worth it at the end. I can definitely assure you, Jisung-ah, that you deserve to live life by any means necessary." Felix nods along and continues after Chan glances at him.

"You need to stay strong, Sungie. Indeed, some days are better, some days are worse. What you should do is look for the blessing, instead of the curse. Be positive, stay strong, and get enough rest. You can't do it all, but you can definitely do your best. Take a deep breath and remember who the fuck you are; Han Jisung! A man who produces countless number of songs and is an all-rounder in the music industry! And when life gives you a hundred reasons to break down and cry, show life that you have a million reasons to smile and laugh!"

Jisung slowly nods as he breathes in deeply, trying to reassure to himself that he can hold on a bit longer. Chan and Felix smile widely at the sight of that, chuckling when the lad finally smiles softly with his chubby cheeks.

"I just need to believe and endure?"

"Yeah! Of course!"

"Then I'll do that, to make myself feel better. Now, do you two think that Minho hyung still wants to see me?"

Minho sighs softly as he closes the front door after he steps into his apartment, walking sluggishly to the kitchen after dumping his bag onto the carpeted floor to drink some water from one of the chilled water bottles in the refrigerator.

He had just came back from a dance lesson held by Jimin, his high school senior who now owned an entire building with his fiance, Jungkook. Both were high school sweethearts, and it has been a while since Minho knew a couple that lasted that long. Besides Chan and Woojin, of course.

Jimin was kind enough to get into contact with him again and had invited him to his first lesson. They haven't seen each other for a while, but Minho was grateful for the opportunity; he was offered a job there.

Of course he accepted the offer, and the couple agreed to a private meeting with him during the weekend.

But he was most surprised by Jimin's question after they exchanged welcoming hugs.

_"Where's your boyfriend? You know, that squishy squirrel? He's always by your side last time. I would like to assume that you two are together, or at least were."_

He puts back the bottle into the refrigerator and closes the door with a sigh, scrunching his nose at the thought of dating his best friend. Honestly thinking, he wouldn't mind.

From the years of friendship with Jisung, he knows that the latter is a great man. He knows how to appreciate things and people in life, and he definitely is great at many things. He knows Minho so well, that it scares the said lad a bit if he dates the younger male.

He has to admit it though; Jisung is also very good-looking.

Even though the male has been ignoring him for quite some time, he knows that Jisung needs some space. For what? He doesn't know but he hopes the lad is feeling better now.

Minho snaps out of his train of thoughts when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, indicating a message notification. He opens it without any expectations.

 _hyung_ _, are you busy right now? maybe we should meet up somewhere and have a talk.. i've got something to say._

The latter sighs.

Minho huffs out a breath as he stops in front of the café that Jisung wanted them to meet at, coincidentally Minho's favourite café. He was feeling slightly nervous, but he doesn't actually know why.

He peeks inside and naturally smiles when he sees his best friend, but it drops when he realises that the latter looked very tired; judging from the deep eye bags. The latter was twirling a straw in his drink, and staring blankly at the wall he's facing.

Minho sighs softly and enters the café.

"Sungie?"

The said male returns back to reality and looks up to see Minho, who smiles at him and sits opposite him quietly. "Hey."

"Hi hyung."

The older male waves over a waiter and orders a dessert, before really looking at his best friend right after the waiter leaves. The latter has averted to watching the water droplets on his glass intensely, eyebrows furrowing and a frown forming on his lips.

Minho clears his throat and starts a conversation to break the invisible ice in the atmosphere, "You don't seem to be getting much sleep..?"

"Yeah. There's a lot of things on my mind, I guess? I don't really know how to explain it. I'm just disturbed by something, that's why I wanted to meet you here."

Minho forms a small 'o' using his mouth, nodding slowly in understanding, "Well, do you want to start talking now?"

Jisung sighs softly and nods firmly, "I probably should."

He lets go of his straw and puts his hands down on his lap, taking a deep breath, "Here goes nothing, I guess."

"I wanted to apologise for leaving you unexplained. I realised how immature I was for acting like that when you didn't know what was going on with me. I also know I acted on impulse by ignoring your calls and messages, but I swear, I really had no intentions of straining our friendship! I just wanted to..." Jisung gulps down the tightness in his throat, scrunching his nose as he thought of the right words.

Minho nods with a worried expression on his face, urging him to continue.

"I guess I wanted to reflect about the battle I had in my head. It was pretty dumb? Wait, no, I wouldn't say that. It was something that many go through, and I shouldn't beat up myself over it? It's not something I can control, you know, like it's my feelings and they definitely follow the rules of nature! And maybe I sound like I want attention, because I'm suddenly not okay after I took care of you but let me assure that I really need to come clean to you about what I have been struggling with-"

"-hold on, take a breath Sungie. You're going too fast," Minho chuckles amusedly, making Jisung flush red in the face and he clears his throat before continuing.

"I'm sorry if our friendship gets ruined by what I will say after this. Promise me you will listen to me?" Jisung sticks out a pinky as he looks at his best friend expectantly, who nods with an eye-smile and hooks his pinky around his.

"I... Erm, hyung, baby, I really like my best friend. I hope you know who I'm talking about."

Minho feels his breath get caught in his lungs when he hears that coming from his best friend, who looks at him apologetically.

"I can sense your hesitation and yes, I know, it's terrible because I started liking him when he was at his lowest, you know? When he was so vulnerable and fragile, when he depended on me the most, I couldn't help but started liking him because I became his pillar of strength and support. He saw me only, he listened and talked to me only. Only then did I noticed how he had stunning brown eyes, the way his hair bounces whenever he nods with that cute eye-smile of his, the way he looks at me as if I'm worth so much to him, the way he dances in front of everyone and sings whenever he thinks no one's watching. The way he touches me as if I'm made of delicate glass, his laugh, oh my god, it's so contagious and it makes everything better! His smile when he looks at someone or something he loves, the way he looks at little kids with his eyes so sparkly like he has never seen anything more precious!"

Jisung chuckles to himself as he averts his eyes to the wooden table, not noticing how Minho looks at him with confused, teary eyes.

"How he notices the little things, how he knows what I always want, how strong he is inside, how he always keep a level ahead and never overthink things, he just always knows what to say. How he understands me and accepts me with my flaws, the way he talks about things that makes him happy, when he gets excited about something and he gets that look in his eyes. His hugs, I can't compare it to anyone! The way he smells, most amazing thing ever, how he trusts me and loves me platonically and know me like no one else ever has. He became my everything so quick, that it made me so scared I had to run away like the scaredy cat I am. And did I mention about his giggles? Oh my god, they kill me!"

Jisung's smile suddenly drops to a thin line, clicking his tongue against the roof in his mouth as he plays with his hands on the table. "But I guess I can _never_ have him, huh?"

"He's out of my league, and he's definitely not gay. Well, for me at least. All I know is he deserves a very special girl who can understand and love him better than I do. Don't you think the same way as me, hyung?"

When Jisung looks up to meet Minho's gaze, he feels his heart swell in pain as the latter wipes his tears frantically. "Why are you crying? Please don't cry, baby.."

"W-why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Jisung reaches out to wipe a lone tear that stayed on Minho's bottom lip, smiling bitterly as he takes his hand back, "Because I know he won't be able to absorb it well, and I also know it'll hurt him eventually."

Minho profusely apologizes as he covers his face with his hands, sobbing as quietly as he could in the café that contained other customers. Jisung looks around fast and leaves a sum of money on the table before guiding Minho out of the café, to bring him to a bench that sat at the park nearby.

Jisung wraps an arm around the older male and hugs him to his chest, his empty hand holding one of Minho's as the latter cries into his chest with his other hand fisting the younger's shirt. "You don't have to apologise, you know? I'm fine now."

"But it still sucks! That you fell in love with m-me, out of all people!"

"You are a great person, and it's okay that this feeling isn't mutual because I understand. It's definitely the worst timing, but I needed to get it off my chest. I should be the one apologising; I'm so sorry for the inconvenience."

Minho looks up with sniffles, shaking his head furiously, "You're not wrong, I just, I want to do something in return! Because you mean so much to me, and I don't want you hurting because of me."

"I know. But, I guess there is something you can do.."

"What is it?"

"Go on a few dates with me. Let me feel how it's like to be dating you."

Chan nods along as he listens to Minho, who sniffles after wiping his nose with a tissue, "Won't that make him have more feelings for me though?"

"Most probably he will, but he wants to have a chance at it, so why don't you give it to him? He's not going to harm you."

"But I'm more worried about hurting him! Hyung, you know I care so much about him."

"I know, but he's taking the risk. So let him, I trust Jisung to be responsible enough and do the most rightful things for himself!" Chan reassures him with a grin, only earning a scoff.

"You're not Woojin hyung, don't say that."

"I am the clique's dad, I have the right!"

"True, but you don't talk like that hyung. Influences, I see.."

"It's a good influence!"

"Yes hyung, I'm glad you know that Woojin hyung is better than you."

"....That, I can't argue with because I think the same way as well. Did you know that he's been talking about kids?"

"Oh, that's a sign of hell."

"No! Why would you say that?!"

"Marriage is a big ass commitment, it fucks you up in the ass even when you do one small wrong move."

"I don't take stuff up my ass."

"Okay, hyung, - _snorts_ \- okay."

Woojin hums as he walks into the living room from the kitchen, plopping down beside Chan who immediately tucks him into his side with a whipped smile while Minho looks at them with a disgusted expression, "I heard you have a date tomorrow with Jisungie!"

Minho clears his throat to compose himself, "Yes hyung. I wonder where he's bringing me to.."

"Did he give you any hints? What type of outfit did he ask you to wear?"

"Oh! He asked me to dress warmly!"

Woojin nods with a satisfied smile forming on his lips, earning a suprised look from Minho, "I know exactly where he's bringing you to!"

Chan watches his boyfriend with a contented look, sighing softly, "Oh, you're so attractive when you act so smart."

"I am smart, Channie! But thank you! You're attractive too, most attractive in our bed-"

"-okay, nope, I'm getting the hell out of here. I'm gonna puke blood!"

Jisung sighs as he looks at his outfit through the mirror, turning here and there to look at it from different angles. He wants to look good, well at least appropriately for the occasion since he's always wearing hoodies.

Felix watches him tiredly from the bed, yawning with droopy eyes, "You look good all the time, Sungie."

"But it's a date!"

"Yeah, but I'm sure Minho will expect more from the date itself! Did you tell him that you guys are going to that place?"

"...No?"

"Okay? How about the fact that you bribed the owner to let you two use the spot to yourselves?"

"Lix, you're making me anxious!"

"That was my only motive- don't you dare hit me! Changbin is my boyfriend!"

"I don't really see that as a threaten.."

Stopping in front of Minho's apartment door, Jisung stares at the doorbell for a moment, debating with himself on whether it's a wise decision to actually take the older male out on a date.

He knows it'll probably hurt himself eventually, since he'll fall in love harder but he couldn't help it. He wants a chance at dating his best friend. He doesn't expect anything good from the dates, but at least they'll still be friends afterwards... Right?

Jisung clears his throat and presses the doorbell, stretching his joints as he waits for his date to come out, trying to prepare his soul and heart for more pain. When he was just about to adjust his hair, the door opens.

Minho steps out with a wide smile, a small _hey_ leaving his mouth as he locks the door after him. Jisung stares at him in gaping awe, suprised at his choice of outfit. All he sees is exposed skin and fishnets leggings-

"Woojin hyung suggested I start afresh so he chose me this outfit!" Minho grins as he twirls around, showing how his oversized crop tee lifts up under his leather jacket when he raises his arms.

Jisung gulps nervously and nods along, attempting a smile on his face but it comes out as an awkward grin, "You look good, hyung! Is that... M-my leather jacket?"

"Hm? Yeah! It's really comfortable! Let's go on this date, shall we?"

Minho tries to follow Jisung's guidance in the darkness, sight blocked by the latter who wanted the location to be a surprise. The younger only covers his eyes with his hands when they were nearby to their destination, but Minho still couldn't figure out where they're going.

The older male winces when he accidentally bumps into something and feels a momentary pain at his shin, "Sungie!"

"I'm sorry! Come on, a little bit more~"

A few more steps and Minho feels harsh coldness hitting his skin, shivering for a moment as they continue walking with Jisung giving short warning about things coming their way here and there, "Where are we?"

Jisung doesn't respond and they suddenly stop on their tracks, making Minho confused when the younger male still keeps quiet, "Sungie?"

"Oh, right. Do you mind if you close your eyes on your own? I need to do something."

The older male nods and closes his eyes with no hesitation, standing there quietly and bites on his bottom lip anxiously when he feels Jisung's presence behind him and the hands disappear. He doesn't know what the male had planned, but he can only hope that it's nothing scary.

He hears a few winces and sighs as he waits patiently, before Jisung lets out a satisfied hum and he moves somewhere further again, judging from the distant footsteps.

"You can open your eyes now!" His voice echoed.

Minho was expecting a theatre, since it's cold and voices could echo, but _this_.

He gasps in awe as he admires the ice rink; the ice reflected the sky-blue coloured lights, the poles barricading the rink were decorated with colourful fairy lights and there were flower petals on the ice forming a heart shape. Jisung stood in the middle of the heart with no skate shoes on, holding a few stalks of red roses with his arms parallel to the ground and had a wide smile on his face.

A pair of skate shoes was waiting for him at the entrance of the rink, and Minho couldn't help but feel his heart swell in happiness that Jisung risked getting injured to get on the ice without the proper attire.

Minho takes a step forward to get to the ice rink, only to get stopped by Jisung who speaks in a panicked tone, "Wait! Don't forget to wear the shoes!"

"How about you then?"

"I have them with me! Just haven't worn it yet," Jisung gestures to the shoes sitting behind his feet, grinning sheepishly when Minho forms a small 'o' with his mouth.

After wearing the shoes with Minho mostly struggling, he gingerly gets on the ice with shaky knees, earning a chuckle from the younger who watches Minho with a soft whipped expression as the latter awkwardly flails around his arms in need of balance. "Do you need me to get to you, baby?"

"P-please! I really don't want to fall - _squeaks_ \- Sungie!"

"Hold on! I'll wear these first."

Jisung easily skates to Minho after putting on his skate shoes, and the older male immediately hugs him out of fear and coldness as he shivers from the temperature. "It's r-really beautiful, Sungie!"

"Yeah?" He questions as he tries to take off his coat with the older male still hugging him, but to no success. He was about to ask Minho to give him some space to do it, but he gets caught off guard when the latter puts his arms around his waist under the coat and hides his face in his shoulder, chests touching each other's.

Minho sniffles, "You should have asked me to put on something thicker!"

Jisung runs his fingers through Minho's hair as they stand there, the other hand holding the latter's lower back, both trying to radiate heat towards each other, "I thought you could stand the cold!"

"Well, definitely not with the ripped jeans!"

"....Do you like it?"

Minho looks up and meets eyes with the younger, before breaking out into a wide smile as he nods happily with his hair bouncing, "I wasn't kidding when I said it's beautiful. Did you do everything yourself?"

"Felix and Changbin helped me with the setting of lights for the ice! The others, I did it myself."

"... Everything in two days? Yourself?" Minho asks in disbelief, gasping dramatically when Jisung nods nonchalantly, not seeing the problem.

Jisung tilts his head confusedly, "What?"

"You went through so much trouble to make this happen!"

"Yes and it's because, this was supposed to be a date. You know, a date where I express my feelings towards you and stuff; my romantic feelings? And I should impress you?"

And when Jisung saves him from falling later, Minho feels wrong as his heart responded differently than usual when the younger kissed his forehead and asked if he's alright.

"-why is he so kind?" Minho frustratingly asks Seungmin with his eyebrows furrowed, rolling his eyes and then muttering things under his breath when the latter doesn't reply but instead kisses his boyfriends on the lips.

The oldest male in the room huffs when Jeongin giggles, "Hyung, it's basic courtesy!"

"Sure, but why am I so impressed by it then? Like I could devote myself to writing a whole essay about his kindness!"

Seungmin sighs softly as Hyunjin and Jeongin cling to him with pouts forming on their lips, "Well, hyung, maybe that's one personality trait that you're _attracted_ to?"

"How come I haven't noticed it before then?"

"Because he isn't just your best friend now hyung, he's your date. He's available as something else as well, so your heart is letting you feel things. You were restrained to feel anything because he wasn't anything more than a best friend. Do you get me, hyung?"

Seungmin quirks an eyebrow, just about to open his mouth again only to be cut off by Jeongin who whines with a pout, "Hyungie~ I want kisses!"

"Me too, me too!!" Hyunjin joins in with a sheepish grin, nuzzling his nose in the crook of Seungmin's shoulder, making Minho groan as he watches the scene unfold. Seungmin nods along with a forced smile.

"This is my life, hyung."

"You have two kids to take care of."

"Yes, indeed. And I have the same age as one of them hyung, crazy huh?" Minho snickers at that, shaking his head in disbelief as Hyunjin sticks out his tongue at him.

Jisung closes his door shut with a huff, peace enveloping his apartment after Felix and Changbin finally leave for a date. He looks around at his apartment, spotting nothing out of place, before plopping down on his sofa with his lips forming a thin line.

He switches on his television and goes to a random channel, throwing the remote onto the coffee table before leaning into his sofa with his eyes closed tightly. He was starting to feel that everything that he had done hasn't been wise choices.

Thinking of Minho now makes his heart burn unhealthily.

Recently, his mum has been contacting him about dates with ladies that she found nice and perfect for him. But he didn't understand, he thought Minho was perfect for him.

But why is it that loving Minho now hurts so much for him? Why is it when he sees the latter smiling, he wants to rip out his heart from his chest? Why is it when he hears that laugh, he wants to cover his ears and scream for him to stop?

Why is it when he feels Minho's touch, his skin feels like it's burning? Why is he hurting so much? He knows that the latter doesn't love him back, but he has always been unloved, so why does he feel pain only now? Why is Minho causing him pain?

Jisung wants to give up.

After their third date, where they played at the beach and slept in a tent together, Jisung feels like stopping everything when Minho kisses him on the cheek as a thanks before running back to his apartment, leaving the younger male standing on the streets alone.

He wants to give up so bad when his heart started aching while he was walking away with no promises, but it wouldn't be love if he gave up, right?

Even if it destroys him, even if everyone rolled their eyes at him for loving someone who doesn't love him back, he can't give up. If he could, you know, take the world's advice and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love.

That would be some other disposable thing that isn't worth fighting for. But that is not what this is, Minho's _different_. He isn't the same girl who he had a crush on in elementary school, or the boy who he found attractive in high school.

He's different because he's real. He's unfiltered and unguarded. He's different because he's unafraid, unafraid of putting himself out there. He's different because he's original. He's different because he's unique and authentic, he mixes craziness with class, and confidence with vulnerability. He's wild, he's funny, he's free, he's unaffected and he doesn't care about anyone's opinion.

He's different because he's in love with himself, and he's in love with his choices and where he's going. This one --- he's just different to Jisung. Different in so many ways, and anyone who is lucky enough to walk beside him, he will give them a whole different perspective on life.

So, he's gonna keep hurting.

He's going to let himself suffer to love this man, to show him how to love himself. To be his eyes when he's tired and insecure of himself, to be his judgement when he needs an opinion, to be his anchor when he's falling. To be his strength when he needs someone, to be an evidence that he's worth fighting for. Because he loves him. And he won't stop, even if it kills him.

Jisung finally lets himself cry. Because now then he realises, love doesn't hurt. Loneliness hurts, rejection hurts, losing someone hurts, envy hurts. Love is the only thing in the world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that doesn't hurt.

And why he's hurting? Because he's scared.

So he's going to do this for the last time. He's going to love Minho with all he can, before he goes back to being just a best friend. He's going to put his heart on his sleeve, because it's going to be the last time Jisung could love him without being questioned. He's his date, he can love him. As a best friend? Nah, not really.

"Last date?" Felix asks gently with a worried expression on his face, standing behind Jisung who was staring at his reflection through the body length mirror.

Jisung looks at his best friend through the mirror with a forced smile, nodding firmly as he takes out his earrings. "Yeah, I hope it's meaningful."

"Well, I'm sure it'll hold something special to him. What I'm worried about is that - _sighs_ \- this would probably leave an emotional scar on you. You know that, right Sungie?"

"I know. It's fine, I don't care anymore at this point. I already lost my sanity, and I would probably regain it back after we're done with this date. Or, like never."

Felix frowns as his best friend moves to check his bag again, "Jisung, listen to me."

"I am."

"No, no you're not. You're not seeing my point here and I can't understand you right now. Sit down-"

"-well, what's your god damn point?!" Jisung raises his voice as he turns around with a frustrated expression on his face, catching his best friend off guard who looks at him back with wide eyes.

"I.."

"That I should regret everything I have done for him? That I'm wrong and you're right? I have already been hurting ever since he was with his stupid girlfriend, Felix! That's the harsh fact!" Felix closes his eyes at that statement, shaking his head in denial which earns a scoff from his best friend.

Jisung takes a step closer to the other, pointing an accusing finger at him, "The worst feeling is when he didn't acknowledge me at all, when he ignored all my texts because of that selfish bitch whom he called as his _girlfriend_. Having to find out how he's doing based on pictures posted by his girlfriend that I saw here and there because I couldn't bring myself to ask him."

"I am doing everything right now because I know this treatment is temporary. Once he finds someone again, he needs to do the same thing again and again because people fucking think that friends don't act the way we do. That's what's most fucked up, because he doesn't even love me back, Felix. He doesn't love me like the way I do."

The said male opens his eyes to only feel guilt pooling in his heart when he sees Jisung on the verge of breaking, "Jisung-ah."

"I love him so much till it hurts. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever blamed yourself for someone not loving you back? Because that shit fucking hurts, and I don't know if I can take it anymore, Lix. I don't k-know-" Felix pulls his best friend into a hug, making the latter burst into tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you need to go through all this. I'm sorry that I didn't stop you earlier," Felix whispers softly, loud enough for the other to hear, who then shakes his head furiously in disagreement.

"N-no.. No one would be able to stop me, because it's love, i-isn't it? It's fucking love."

Minho sighs agitatedly, running his fingers through his hair again as he stares down at his lap, "Hyung, I really don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, yes, I now feel things for Sungie but I'm scared to feel this way. It took me so fast to like him in this way; isn't that wrong hyung?" Minho asks sincerely, earning a reassuring smile from Chan who pats his hands gently.

"Well, it means that you're emotionally available, which I don't see anything wrong. If you feel like you are falling in love too fast, how about you ask yourself what you're falling in love with? Is it his personality? Is it his emotional support? Is it his company, or is it just himself? His everything?"

"So, it's not wrong if I'm noticing the small little things about him only now and also taking a liking towards all of them?"

"No, that's not wrong and nothing to be afraid of. It's just how we start to love and appreciate someone romantically. Time doesn't show how much you love someone, Minho. You know what does? Attraction, compatibility, trust, respect and like. People always ask if time works but, the real question is how long does it take to find out if you are compatible with each other? How long will it take to find out if you can trust each other? How long to find out if you can respect each other? How like to learn if you like each other?"

Chan ruffles the lad's hair as a gesture of comfort, smiling widely when Minho looks at him with a pout, "Now, you think about it. Maybe you'll find the answers to those questions today."

Jisung sighs and watches Minho with a small smile, out of adoration. He tries to stay in the same spot, for the baby sleeping in his arms, while he admires Minho who was playing with a few kids.

They were doing volunteering work at an orphanage, gifting each of them with brand new clothes and food. It was definitely meaningful for Minho, who did not receive any love back from his parents during his childhood.

Minho giggles as a girl messily ties his hair at the top of his head into a ponytail, swishing his hair here and there to earn some laughs from the kids who were watching him in amusement.

Jisung shakes his head with a smile still playing on his lips, averting his eyes to the baby cradled in his arms. "Hey buddy," he whispers quietly.

"Minho is gonna be a great dad, don't you think so?" He asks with no expectations of a reply, sighing gently as he takes in the facial features of the baby.

"He's perfect for me, but why am I not _the one_ for him?"

Lunchtime calls for drastic measures, for many kids want to sit around Minho since he's been very nice and open towards to all of them. He tries to feed all of them at the same time, deciding to eat later on as they all smile at him with gleams.

Jisung was busy with the baby and another kid who seemed too scared to communicate with Minho, cooing as the baby spills out some food. The kid beside him eats on his own quietly, munching on his rice as he leans into Jisung's side.

As the baby falls asleep again after eating enough food, Jisung doesn't eat his own plate but continues staring at Minho, which caught the attention of the kid beside him whom he recognizes as a boy named Minhyuk.

"Hyung, is he your boyfriend?" Minhyuk asks gently, eyes wide and innocent as Jisung looks at him in shock.

"Where did you learn that?"

"Hoseok hyung is married to Yoongi hyung. Of course I would know, Jisung hyung."

Jisung hums, "I'm guessing you're the smartest here."

Minhyuk nods with a smile. Jisung sighs softly after thinking for a moment and shakes his head as an answer to the boy's question, "No, he's not my boyfriend Minhyuk-ah."

"Why is that, hyung? You look at him like the way Hoseok hyung looks at Yoongi hyung."

"Minho doesn't love me back like how Yoongi hyung loves Hoseok hyung back."

Minhyuk nods in understanding, taking another bite of rice before he thought of something again. "Does Minho hyung knows?"

"Yeah, he knows."

"Is that why he looked at you in the same way just now?" Minhyuk bats his eyelashes innocently as Jisung whips his head to look at him with furrowed eyes.

"Say that again?" Minhyuk caught on and grins widely.

"Oh! He likes you too!"

"Ah- no, you're mistaken!" Jisung denies it quickly with a louder voice, almost waking up the baby in his arms and everyone looks at him confusedly at his sudden outburst, making him go red in the face.

Minho quirks an eyebrow when he makes eye contact with his best friend, who grins awkwardly as he gently sways the baby in his arms. Minhyuk giggles softly with his hand covering his mouth, stopping immediately when Jisung nudges him with a pout forming on his lips.

Minho watches their interaction with his head tilted adorably, softly smiling when Jisung starts to stare at the baby in his arms quietly, gaze soft and full of adore. He only snaps out of his trance when a kid calls for his attention, grinning on impulse as he feeds her again with coos leaving his mouth.

After lunchtime was naptime, where Jisung and Minho could have some time to themselves. They were encouraged by the orphanage management members to spend the time outside, hence they found themselves sitting on the swings at the playground nearby.

They sit in silence for a while, before Jisung breaks it with a sudden question, "Do you want kids in the future?"

"Me? Haven't thought about it.." Minho got taken aback by the question, but tries to reply normally as he directs a small smile at his date, who only nods at his answer.

"You'd be a great dad."

"I hope so. You would be a great one too," Jisung chuckles at that, shaking his head in denial.

"I don't want kids. I shouldn't want, anyways."

"What? Why?" Minho asks in disbelief, pout forming on his lips as he stares at Jisung's face for an answer when the latter doesn't respond for a moment.

"I don't think I'll be a great single father."

"...What?"

Jisung looks at Minho with a small grin, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, "I don't want to get married. I don't think I'll be able to find the one for me."

Minho frowns, not getting the message from his words, "What do you mean?"

Jisung drops the grin and chews on his bottom lip anxiously for a short moment, before answering honestly, "I'm just saying that if I do find someone in the future, I don't think I'll be able to love them back equally. It's just something I can predict, you know, with how I feel right now. _Foreshadowing_ , they call it?"

Minho turns to face his best friend with his eyebrows furrowed, licking his dry lips moist first before asking a question that has been on his mind for a while, "I.. These dates, have they been working for you? I mean, are they helping you?"

"Whether they are helping me to move on?" Minho nods slowly, expecting something positive but gets the exact opposite as Jisung smiles bitterly.

"Honestly? No. I think through the time we spent together, I found more reasons to love you... And look, I know, I'm making you uncomfortable with my stupid feelings but I promise you that it won't be a topic between any of us anymore once we're done with this date. We'll be back to being best friends and you can forget me having these feelings towards you."

Jisung continues, the volume of a whisper, "Or maybe you can treat this as an outing of best friends? Not a date, just us being normal like last time."

"No! I don't want to think of this that way, Jisung-ah."

"Why? Are my feelings scaring you?"

"No, instead my feelings are scaring me. Okay? It's not you, it's me that's an issue right now." Minho sighs deeply as he plays with his hands in his lap, trying to feel calm and not nervous.

The younger male looks at him confusedly, not understanding the point, "You? An issue? That's not what I visualise."

"I.. Can I be brutally honest to you, Han Jisung?" Minho suddenly asks firmly, making eye contact with the said lad who furrows his eyebrows and nods slowly.

Minho takes a deep breath, "I probably sound insane but I really want these dates to last longer. I want to go on more dates with you, I want to be happy with you. I want to smile and laugh with you, I want to hold your hand and kiss you again. I want to be in your embrace again. I want to be not just best friends, but something more. I want so many things until my mind is now overloaded!"

"Minho-"

"-like I suddenly got all these feelings when we went on that first date! I felt so impressed by you and I couldn't help but feel something different when you treated me with respect and expressed your love towards me like no one has ever done! But I feel like it's wrong, because I'm scared that my feelings don't mean well. I'm not gay and I have only dated girls my whole life. And then when we went on that third date, I felt like crying because you seemed like you were in so much pain for loving me! I felt so hopeless because my feelings were in a mess and I haven't sorted it out yet but I know I don't want anything to change. This thing that we have right now? I don't want it to change at all."

Minho squeezes his eyes shut as he turns his head forward, in fear that he might start crying if he looks at Jisung. He doesn't notice that the latter had moved from the swing to kneel on both knees in front of him, staring at his face with adoration and love.

"And I- I don't know if it's love, but I feel like my heart will combust every time I see you smile now. It hurts so bad, but I know you're hurting more so I don't want to say anything. I feel mean for hurting you as well, because you think that I still see you as a best friend. But I don't! I see you as a potential boyfriend, I can see me whining to you in the future about our cats. I can see us arguing over little things but we'll be okay once we cuddle.  It sounds creepy but I can see us in a domestic environment and I _want_ that to happen. I just, I need time to figure out these feelings because I don't want to hurt you again."

Minho opens his eyes when he feels his hand pulled forward, and he whimpers slightly when he sees Jisung staring up at him like Minho was his god. The older lad lets out a shaky breath when the younger slowly kisses his knuckles on both hands, eyes on the verge of tearing up.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you doubt your feelings like that. Baby, one thing you need to know is that I don't mind waiting for you. No matter how long, how many seasons I need to wait through, I'm gonna be there at the end for you. I know that you're the one for me, and with that I will never give up on you. It's not love if I do, right?" Minho nods along, slipping out a few tears and Jisung doesn't hesitate to wipe them away with his thumbs, letting go of Minho's hands.

Jisung leaves kisses on the spots he wiped, replacing the tear streaks with warmth. Minho accepts it all, shakily holding his wrists as Jisung goes to cup his face in his hands, thumbing his cheeks with a warm smile playing on his lips. "Still my baby after all this, huh?"

"Y-yeah, still yours."

Once Minho has recomposed himself, Jisung stands up and gently pulls the older lad up onto his feet. Minho immediately searches for his hand to hold, interlocking them together with a shy smile directed at the ground.

They walked back to the orphanage like that, and when Minhyuk finally wakes up from his nap to see the pair hugging each other too close to be just friends, he can't help but cheer happily. Love is a harmless thing, after all, from what he observes.

That night, Jisung finally moves back into Minho's apartment and took his rightful spot beside the older lad on his bed. As a big-spoon always, Jisung watches the older fall to sleep after a short moment of cuddling and he finally falls asleep as well with a smile.

It took Minho a month to figure out his feelings. It took him one whole month to realise that he had indeed fell in love with Jisung, his best friend. He had spilled it out when Jisung does something he had never done before.

They were on another date, a getaway to Busan where the sea and seafood welcomed him. Jisung firstly brought him to a restaurant to eat, and despite Minho's protests, the younger lad managed to pay for the both of them.

Afterwards, they took a walk at the Igidae Park, embracing the comfortable silence between them as they interlocked their hands and ignored the stares directed at them. Minho scrunches up his nose as a shiver travels down his spine, shivering slightly from the temperature of the weather.

As usual, he didn't dress warm enough for the season.

Jisung notices his inner turmoil and lets go of his hand to take off his coat. The confused look he earned instantly changed to a pout forming on the lips as the lad denies the offer of his coat. "Sungie, I'm fine!"

"Nope, can't lie to me again, baby. I'm not going to risk you catching a fever again!"

"Mind you, it was pretty damn cold and you were wearing more layers than me!"

"And that's my fault?! I was conscious of the weather!" Minho sticks out his tongue at the younger lad playfully as he willingly wears the coat after a moment of persuasion.

On impulse, their hands immediately reach for each other's after Minho feels warm enough to move on. They continued walking, taking a few photos of the scenery and themselves using their phones.

One photo in Minho's phone consisted of Jisung observing the scenery with an awe in his expression, and he didn't hesitate to make that his phone's lockscreen. While on Jisung's side, he had a photo where Minho was smiling dumbly at his camera with his head tilted adorably.

Jisung couldn't stop staring at it, even when they're already done with the day and are now lying on the hotel bed together. Minho was already asleep, spooned by the younger lad, who had a protective arm over his waist.

Jisung didn't forget to kiss Minho's neck before nuzzling his face in the crook of his shoulder and he falls asleep like that.

The younger lad wakes up to the sunshine hitting his face through the window, eyes squinting as he tries to adjust to the light. He could hear the shower running, indicating that Minho had already woken up and was the one who moved open the curtains. Jisung groans as he turns to the other way and tries to get more sleep, only to get stopped by the bathroom door opening after a few seconds.

Minho steps out of the bathroom with his hair still wet and only wearing an oversized button-up, shorts underneath as he walks to the bed with a heavy sigh. "Han Jisung, it's already noon."

The latter groans.

"We have a train to catch, remember?" Minho dramatically flails his arms around, rolling his eyes when Jisung just groans at him again.

"Sungie. We haven't even eaten yet."

"Baby, I love you and all but please give me another 5 minutes. I'm tired as fuck," Jisung grumpily says before he covers his face with the duvet, not realising that what he had just said was something he had never said straightforwardly before. It took him a moment to process his own words.

Minho clears his throat awkwardly, blushing a bright red as Jisung throws the duvet off himself to stare at the older with wide eyes, gulping nervously. "Uh. I- I'll just- how do I take it back?"

"I don't think you can.."

"Fuck," Jisung groans for the fourth time that day as he rubs his face with his hands, dropping his hands to his lap when he feels the bed dip beside him.

He watches with wide eyes as Minho pushes him against the headboard and straddles his thighs with his knees, sitting on his crotch with a sigh. "Uh, hyung?"

"You know what? Enough of this wait, I love you too, okay?"

Jisung freezes, not blinking as Minho sassily runs his fingers through his wet hair, adjusting it to not block his sight. "I think you waited long enough for me to figure out my feelings. I mean, a month? That's damn long and pretty unnecessary."

"...I can wait longer if you haven't really-"

"-shut up, we are literally acting like boyfriends now. And don't you dare deny that, I know it low-key makes you happy," Jisung groans at that, proving his thoughts right that Felix had told Minho about it.

Minho smiles softly as he gently runs his fingers through the younger lad's hair, too shy to look at the man straight in the eyes as he finally asks, "So, are you gonna ask me out yet?"

"Damn. Okay. Baby, I'm glad that I'm gonna stop hurting and all but if you don't get off me right now, I'm gonna pop a boner."

"Wow, way to ruin the mood. You don't want a blowjob from me?"

"Oh my god, stop it!" Minho erupts into laughter, covering his reddening face with his hands as Jisung watches him with a look of euphoria, smiling ever so softly.

"I would kiss you right now but you have morning breath," Minho giggles, making the younger roll his eyes.

"Wow, how romantic."

"You know you love me!"

Jisung chuckles and shakes his head in disbelief at his confidence, instead choosing to kiss Minho's forehead, "Yeah, I do."

Chan doesn't question them when one day he finds them making out in the kitchen when he comes over, instead telling them to use protection. The silence he gets only proves to him that they had already done it, making him sigh with a headache coming.

Woojin gets damn confused when Chan comes home crying about how their kids had grown up, having no clue of what happened but he still welcomes him into his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Ending was kinda quick but I didn't wanted to drag the plot longer. Once again, thank you for reading and I hope you have enjoyed the story! I'm sorry if the characters seemed different from real life, but this is how I see them when they're vulnerable and behind the scenes. Especially Minho and Jisung.
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Remarks and criticism are welcomed. Hugs and kisses xxx


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